Because of my friend Lena, I am now playing Sorority Life on Facebook. Aside from that, all I play on there is Castle Age and PetVille — I’ve kind of stopped playing Cafe World and Farmville because I didn’t feel like I could juggle them along with everything else that I do, although I did check back into my cafe long enough to see if everything was still there. Surprisingly enough, the place hadn’t burned down and I still had a cafe standing. It’s something that I may pick back up as the months progress and I begin to have more of this thing called free time, although I’ve managed to set my daily schedule up in such a manner that I’m still wondering how I manage to get as much done as I do.

However, in thinking about that I have come to realize that it wouldn’t hurt for me to make slightly more time for myself. Upon finding out that I was pregnant, it became one of my goals not to let all semblances of myself slip away even after the birth of my son. For the most part, I’ve held true to my promise to myself and have made time to indulge in hobbies like playing computer games and video games… but I’m starting to think that I would benefit from having a little bit more time to myself, where I can simply be me.

Over the course of these last few months, I’ve become the kind of person who will attempt to fill most of whatever spare time she has… doing things for and with her sons. As much as I know that’s not a bad thing, I also realize that I don’t need to spend every free moment of mine in such a manner. I’m still me.

I covered most of what I wanted to say here in reference to what I found coming through my access logs and Feedjit. Ever since I had problems with malicious code being injected into my PHP files at random intervals in late April and early May, I’ve made it a habit to look at those things so I could revert my blog code back to a working copy as soon whenever I needed to. It just so happens that this allows me to uncover interesting visitor trends as well. Then again, that was the primary reason that I installed the Feedjit on my blogs — it’s an interesting way to see where people come from as they land on my blogs, which is really helpful if I want to get and keep a consistent readership.

For those of you that don’t want to click that link, I’ll sum it up. Among other things, my blog is where I go to vent about my frustration with certain subjects. My boyfriend knows what I write about and has generally supported me in this, acknowledging that it’s a lot better for me to get things off of my chest on this medium as compared to saying something to someone’s face that I might actually regret later — I tend to think hard about what I write before I click Update, so it’s not as if I’m flying by the seat of my pants whenever I come here to write. Whether I’m chronicling my frustrations regarding his family’s religious beliefs and attempts to “enlighten” me on matters that I don’t even believe in or venting about the family dynamic that requires a twenty-five year old man to seek acceptance from his mother and father on what he is and is not allowed to do, I have nothing to hide. I’m a fairly open book, though.

It is worth noting that this is why I tend not to associate with devoutly religious folks, though. Many have tried to change my mind about whether or not a higher power exists in the ten years I’ve been an atheist; all of them have failed. I’ve even challenged my mother to do the same, and that didn’t work…

Now that my boyfriend’s mother has heard it with her own ears, straight from my own mouth that I’m never going to be a religious person… I find myself wanting nothing to do with his family, even though she told me to my face that no one in his family hated me for expressing my obviously extremely different views. At first, it was a bit of an odd feeling — if anything, I had expected to feel immensely relieved that I was no longer hiding that from them, assuming the role of someone who was more open-minded to the idea of baptism and going to church. However, I know that it might have something to do with the fact that my mindset and opinions are so vastly different from Matt’s family’s.

I don’t expect him to choose his family over me if it ever came to that. I wouldn’t want him to, because I wouldn’t choose him over my parents if our positions were reversed. Then again, I’m blessed to be a part of a family that is not controlling and dysfunctional like his is. Speaking of that, I’ve seen my boyfriend attempt to stand up to his mother about whether or not James would be allowed to have a choice in being baptized. And let me tell you, that was not a pretty sight. Had it not been for the look that I gave him midway through the conversation, he might actually have melted into his seat because I guess he’s so used to his mother calling the shots everywhere. Something tells me that as his mother gets to know the real me more, she’s probably not going to like it because I’m not going to respond to her intimidation and thinly veiled threats the same way her sons do. I’m largely indifferent when it comes to her antics.

If I’d known about Matt’s family, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be dating him now.